“you wanna see my breasts” i say seductively to my boyfriend. i unbutton my shirt to reveal two large, succulent cuts of meat. i am a chicken. why do i have a boyfriend. why am i wearing clothes
(via oops-i-hate-you)
Muffin Mafia HQ
Alcohol doesn't solve problems, but then again.. neither does Milk.
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Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things. - George Carlin
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Old people hugging is like younger people making out. - Lucas Christopher Caughill
Snapchat moment
i am 41 cheetos tall
Why did you think you needed to measure yourself in Cheetos?
we were out of doritos
(via oops-i-hate-you)
I thought it was time I posted a sexy shower pic. oh yeah. such a sexy shower.
(via convultedself)
(via fattywbu)
Omfg so if Mary had baby Jesus, and baby Jesus was the Lamb of God…
did Mary have a little lamb?you broke the world
(via convultedself)
if i die my funerals gonna be the biggest fucken party and you’re all invited
if
great, the only party ive ever been invited to and he might not even die
Everyone SAYS they want a fairytale wedding but when I show up and curse their firstborn suddenly I’m a jerk.
